I Just Came to Say Goodbye
by 19mayflowers
Summary: songfiction based on "The Last Night" by Skillet & "Head Underwater" by Flyleaf *SI trigger warning* Haley is done struggling: with school, with her peers at school, with her parents, with her life at home, with her life. So she decides to take control, and do something about it. Luckily, her friend, Josh, is there to rescue her before it's too late. **not technically a x-over**
1. I Just Came to Say Goodbye

based on "The Last Night" by Skillet

"You're such a waste of time, Haley! I don't even know why I try with you anymore!" Mrs. Nelson yelled, leaning against the kitchen counter and swinging a finger in Haley's direction. Her other hand propped her weight against the edge of the counter. Dinner was in the oven, Mr. Nelson would be home any minute now, and she had just found that Haley had forgotten to take the trash out again. She was supposed to have done it that morning before she left, but time had gotten away from her and there wasn't time left. Now she was paying for it with the harsh, stinging blow darts shooting from her mother's mouth.

The barrage finally ended and Haley was free to leave the room. She walked quickly upstairs to her room, shut the door and looked around. The pressure to be the perfect daughter was just too much; the anxiety it caused her was just too much. "I have to get out," she thought, "I can't handle this. I can't put up with it for any longer. I have to do something." She sat sideways at her desk, tapping the thin edge of a random notecard against the desktop while she stared at the floor, thinking and plotting.

She made up her mind. She was leaving.

She paced back and forth in her room, getting things ready. Opening the top drawer on the side of her desk, she brought her little box of tools our from the very back. She changed her clothes, putting on her favorite hoodie and best-loved pair of sneakers. From the bottom of one dresser drawer she pulled a folded up bunch of papers which she unfolded and laid out in plain sight on the desk. She slid the little box into her hoodie pocket and put in her iPod without hitting play yet. With the light left on and the door shut behind her, she walked out of her room and snuck out of the house, unnoticed by her mother.

Haley remembered that her friend Josh was at the local coffee shop tonight, and walked in that direction, her hood up, hands in her pockets, and music on. Josh hung out at the shop in the evenings pretty regularly- had been for a few years now- and Haley had joined him there only twice that she could recall. She wasn't particularly close to Josh; she wasn't very close to anyone really. But he was the one friends she knew she could trust, because he seemed to really care about her and was genuine with her. He could take anything you would throw at him, and he never freaked out.

The bell above the door tangled quietly as she entered, barely audible over the music playing overhead. Which was just soft enough that you could be heard over it speaking at a normal voice level to those around you. The shop was relatively busy, making Haley feel less attention-grabbing, the way she preferred it. She found Josh at a table for two near the middle of the room and next to a window. She paused long enough to pull her earbuds from her ears and turn the player off before she approached him. He looked up as she was a couple of tables away and watched her come toward him, obviously stopping whatever homework he had been in the middle of.

"Haley! What a great surprise!" he greeted her.

The corners fo her mouth tugged a few millimeters upward in a quite lame attempt to smile. It was the closest and only attempt her lips had made all day. She silently hopped up into the seat across from him, not bothering to wait for the invitation, and ignoring his greeting.

"So what brings you here to hang out with me tonight, huh? Do you want me to get you something to drink? They have a really good pumpkin spice latte you would probably like."

As he talked, she glanced out the window, and at what he had spread on the table. Then she looked around the shop, taking in the calm, friendly activity, and pushing up her sleeves due to the unexpected warmth of the place. By the time he was done speaking she was looking at him again, and watched him look down at her arms resting on the table. She had them out in front of her with her hands clasped together. She knew he was seeing the scars the cutting had left on her wrists, the work of the tools inside her little box nestled in her hoodie pocket. All year long she had worn long sleeves around him; this was the first time she was allowing him to see any part of her arms bare.

His facial expression transferred from happy to see her and in a cheerful mood to pain at seeing the marks on her skin and an air of sadness and compassion. She tried to swallow but suddenly found herself only able to do so with great difficulty and felt tears starting to slip from her eyes. She reached up to wipe them away and said, "Josh, I'm not staying. This will be my last night feeling like this. I just came to say goodbye. I -I didn't want you to see me cry. I'm fine, really.

He shook his head at her, still sad, maybe sadder. "Look, I know that's a lie. Yes, this is the last night you'll spend alone. Look me in the eyes, so I know you know I'll be everywhere you want me to be." He slid down out of his chair, came around, and wrapped his arms around Haley from behind.

She started telling him about what really went on at him, the full extent of it. "My parents say everything is my fault."

"But they don't know you like I know you. They don't know you at all."

She detailed how she really felt on a day to day basis, and what happened when she had tried a few times to talk to her parents about it. "I'm so sick of when they say, 'It's just a phase. You'll be okay. You're fine.'"

"I know that's a lie, too. I won't let go, Haley. I'm everything you need me to be. This can be the last night you spend alone."

"But the night is so long when everything's wrong. People are usually less reachable for help and company then."

"If you give me a chance I will help you hold on tonight. Tonight this was the last night you'll ever spend alone. I'll keep you wrapped in my arms for as long as you need. Whatever you need I can get it for you. I won't let you say goodbye, and I'll be your reason why. This was your last night away from me."


	2. I Will Have to Find the Words to Fight

Haley was approaching the kitchen door, at the end of her walk home from school. She had put off coming home as long as she could, and on the way home she had contemplated what would be most likely to greet her when she arrived there. She suspected it would be another lecture of some kind or a tale of how she had so much potential yet it was impossible to tell for all her failures. "If they push me any further, I will have to find the words to fight," she thought.

So here she was tonight, alone in her room again. She had just returned from another run in with a brick wall of harsh words. Her head felt fuzzy and dim from the onslaught, like her head was underwater. She sank into the chair at her desk, weak from the wear and tear of her parents' verbal bullying. Remembering what she thought earlier about fighting back, she decided she didn't have the strength tonight. Inside one of her desk drawers lies a box with a sharp tool in it; it's been part of her comfort and relief from her parents for a long time now. But she knows, what they say about her cuts deeper than the sharpest knife. A scene replays in her mind, one that's played over and over in her head throughout the past year: She's in a car, stopped at an intersection, looking at the red traffic light. The red light begs her to stay there, ceasing to urge the car of her life forward through the rest of her life.

Her mind drifts back to the fuzzy feeling in her head and a replay of what happened downstairs. It felt like she could drown in her own mind if she kept listening the sound of their cruel laughter. They didn't know anything about who she really was, but she let her fighting words of stone fall to the ground. The wolves after her life were still crying out, "I'll take you away."

Amidst all of this, she had logged onto her computer and into the messaging system she and Josh used. Now, there was a ping, signaling a message from Josh. His shift at the coffee shop was over. Thankful he remembered to let her know when he got off work, she messaged him back, saying a few words about what had gone down when she got home. He asked if he could take her away to a place where she could relax a little and talk about it if she wanted to. "It's you and I alone," he said. She wasn't sure if she was up to it, so she held off on answering him. She knew he wanted to help her, but she was tired of going around the cycle, so tired she had been considering putting a stop to it, and answering the call form the wolves of the red light.

Josh would not let up though. He wanted to make a deal that if she didn't come meet him, he would come over to her house and bring her out himself. Haley never hesitated much when it came to getting away from her house; it was something she was always up for. Not really sure of what her hesitation meant, he knew he had to get her to talk and if she was sitting in front of him it made it that much harder for her to lie to him. She finally agreed to meet him in the park, and made it there first. After picking out a bench to sit on, she waited, cradling her arms against her. He hoped he wouldn't ask her what they were looking like now; she didn't want to tell him they looked worse than last time. They were supposed to get better, not worse, or they would have to tell someone else about them.

Josh walked up to the bench and sat down right beside her and rested his arm on the top of the backrest. They discussed what her parents had said to her this time, Haley recounting their words and Josh reaffirming her that she was not any of those things, and that it was not the truth. He could tell she was especially low on hope this evening; her face lit by the streetlamp showed much pain and defeat. Sorrow was all around her mouth and eyes. She needed to start standing up for herself and let someone older in on the secret so that she could welcome happiness back into her life. "So will you stand for something, and give them back the ammunition? Or will you let them tell you who you are?" he asked. True, they were hard questions, but something needed to be done. He just needed to see if she was willing and strong enough to do it on her own, otherwise he would stand in the gap.

A long hour or two of deliberation and discussion later, Haley decided that she would go to someone else, someone who could help better than just Josh, as good as he was. It was extremely difficult process though. Josh felt most of his words had been words of persuasion, rather than encouragement as he would have preferred. His hope was that he had not been too harsh or unwise because Haley was crying now. He felt she needed the push though, otherwise the situation would simply continue to get worse, and Haley could wind up in even deeper distress and damage. He put his arms around her shoulders and brought her closer to him. She put her head on his shoulder, tears still running down her cheeks. "Sh-shh. I love you, Haley. I love you and I'm so glad you want to get out of this mess. We can work on it together," he soothed.

"You really love me that much?" she weepily asked him.

"Yes. My love is deeper than the stars, and wider than the sea. And you, you are bigger than the scars you feel at night, when you're holding your pillow tight, and you're wishing someone would call you home. You are stronger than tonight, when their words are crushing, and a real escape seems impossible."


End file.
